Last law paper due today. Give me strength! Anyone else going mad trying to get final uni assignments finished? Or end of year work stuff? I’m sitting here trying to wrap my head around “Trade-related Aspects of Intellectual Property Rights” wishing I could be reading and writing about Endo instead!
While I’m seriously struggling to focus on this assignment I’m thinking back to when I was horrendously sick with Endo and how awful it was to have the pressure of work or uni looming over me while I was in agony. I’m so grateful that right now I have my health and no Endo pain, but I know that so many of you will be struggling hardcore right now.
You aren’t procrastinating like I am, you’re feeling like absolute crap with 50 million things to do but your body is screaming at you to stop everything and go to bed and you just want to sit on the floor of the shower with a cup of tea and weep.
The worst part is that when you’re under such pressure with work or study and suddenly Endo hits you right in the balls (ovaries) you have to make a terrible decision where you lose either way:
A) Ignore your body’s signals and do the work you’ve gotta get done while suffering immensely, exacerbating your pain and pushing yourself way too hard (most likely in tears).
B) listen to your body, rest to give yourself a break from the pain but suffer the enormous stress of knowing you aren’t going to meet hat deadline or that you’ve already exhausted your number of sick days and worry constantly about the consequences which consequently does not allow you to rest and recover from the pain, because you’ve tied your stomach in knots from worrying too much, which also leads to tears and more pain.
When my pain was bad it was breathtakingly bad. There was no way in hell I could ‘push through’ and do my work. No way. So I would get under my blanket with my hot water bottle and sob. I’d cry 😭 because of the pain, but also because of argument I was having with myself in my head: “You should be doing work. You shouldn’t be lying on the couch watching TV. Now everyone at work will think you’re a flake. And you’ll fail your assignment. And this break you’re taking now will not be worth it.”
This would lead to such bad anxiety that I would convince myself that my employers, peers, teachers and even my family all thought I was a lazy dropkick and that I’d never go anywhere in life.
SO HELPFUL! As if you aren’t going through enough, you make it even harder on yourself. I’m queen of doing that. It’s a terrible habit, which I hope to kick.
Major empathy for anyone in this position right now. I get it!!!
Why do we sometimes make ourselves feel guilty when we need to take it easy?
Do you have a good way of overcoming those unhelpful thoughts?
Syl x x